Much like how I will never understand why people dress up like rejected crotchless mascots and fuck each other, I will never understand celebrity worship.  Yeah, I can see liking an actor or actress for the movies they do, or liking a musician.  That's fantastic, good for you.  However, if you find yourself spending time pondering on what (or who) some rich, famous asshole ate for breakfast this morning, and then talking about that with like-minded losers on the internet, you're probably too stupid to be left alive.  Who gives a shit?  Does Lindsey Lohan diving on the muff of a girl who looks like a dude have any real effect on your life whatsoever?  If it does, you're either Lindsey Lohan or you need to seriously reevaluate your life before your stupidity creates a black hole in your head that eventually destroys the planet.  How meaningless is your life where you actually care about people you will never actually know?

A relatively new show (say within the last year) has emerged on TV for all of you tabloid fellators out there:  TMZ.  This piece of shit is advertised more heavily on Fox than American Idol, and that is no small feat.  Side note: people still watch American Idol?  Why?  There have been about 47 seasons of this garbage and I've only heard of two of the past winners (one's a redneck, one is walking the fine line between "used to be fat" and "will probably be fat again soon," and both are glorified idiot whitebread karaoke singers), yet people still plop their fat, mindless asses in front of the TV 3 or 4 times a week and stare at this shit.  Some even blow up their cell phone bills voting for this shit.  Fucking die already.

And while I'm on the subject of you people pissing me off, the next person that says or writes "think green" or "go green" or "my face is a vagina and is also green" is getting a swift kick in the ass from me.  I mean really, if you didn't give a shit about "going green" six months ago, why the fuck do you care now?  Oh, that's right, because it's the hip thing to do now.  "Look at me, I'm going green!  Look at my company, we're going green!  We now have - wait for it, wait for it - a fucking RECYCLING CAN IN THE LUNCH ROOM!  We are so green we shit shamrock shakes, bitches!  That's my homeboy planet earth - 1, not recycling - 0!  Never mind the fact that recycling plants pump out a shit load of pollutants while refining, it's time for me to feel good about myself!  I recycled a plastic Pepsi bottle today!  Time to drive home in my SUV and watch TV with all the lights on and the air conditioner going full blast!  Woo!"  You are a fucking hypocrite, just like everyone else.  You aren't helping shit, you don't really care, shut the fuck up.  Go save the world in private, asshole.  No one needs it.  And it's not like I'm some hippie fruit who loves the environment or anything like that; I just hate that this going green buzzword bullshit is all the rage with boring middle class white people looking for approval from other boring middle class white people and no one will shut the fuck up about it.  If any of you self-righteous douche bags actually cared about the planet, you'd be a dirty "earth child" wearing a burlap sack living in a commune with other dirty granola fucks cultivating a lice farm in your scalp, growing your own food and singing Koombaya (no idea how to spell that) by the fucking campfire every night.  But no, that's not convenient for you.  You just want to be labeled green so you can look down your nose at people exactly like you except they aren't wearing a cotton/polyester blend Earth Day T-shirt.  If you really want to help the earth you'd kill yourself.  It's the only way to be sure to minimize your "carbon footprint."  Ass.

I realize I'm supposed to be talking about TMZ and I got sidetracked.  If it makes you feel any better, the type of person that jerks off about being green is the type of person that cares about Angelina Jolie and Madonna stealing black babies and dressing them in designer clothes.  Maybe those kids will have a better life now; all I know is that I don't care.  It doesn't affect my life in the slightest.  None of them are paying my bills.  Anyway, this show used to be a tabloid on the internet and now is a tabloid on TV.  Idiots sit around an office talking about celebrities they bumped into, usually talking down about them.  Sure, next to Britney Spears they look like they have their shit figured out, but who the fuck doesn't?  The people on this show are monumentally stupid from what I've seen (I usually catch the end of it because it's on right before the Simpsons) and if you combined all of their brainpower into one lump of multicolored Play-Doh they might be smart enough to chow down on some graham crackers.  I don't even feel like talking about TMZ anymore.  Going green is pissing me off too much.  All I wanted to say was I hate this show, I don't give a fuck about the personal lives of celebrities, and anyone who does is worthless.

GENERAL STUPIDITY
BAD MOVIES
BAD TV
BAD MUSIC
BAD COMMERCIALS
STUPID CELEBRITIES

HOME
REPLY ALL DEAD POOL
OLD GARBAGE

EMAIL