There is a new fad amongst the internerds and pre-pubescent girls floating around these days, and it is called Twitter (link omitted because fuck Twitter).  In case you haven't heard of it, the basic gist of Twitter is that you create an account and make constant updates about what you're doing from your phone or a computer. For example, pretend I'm a self-absorbed idiot with a Twitter account.  I am currently chewing gum, so I log into Twitter from my phone and post "I am chewing gum."  Then, other idiots who are following me on there get an update that I am chewing gum, and their lives are filled with new meaning.  That's it.  That's what it does.

To prove how fantastic Twitter is, they have randomly-generated praise from it's users, like in the pic above. Now that I know it's endorsed by some idiot on Livejournal, I'm starting to feel a little better about the whole concept.  If they start getting fan mail from furries and people with AOL homepages, I'm sold!  Oh my god, it's endorsed daily by Ellen Degenerous on her show that somehow hasn't been cancelled yet?  JOY OVERLOAD! Now I have to log into Twitter and make a post about my joy overload, so that people everywhere know that I am joy overloading!

One thing I hate about Twitter is that it's not even close to an original idea.  It's like they took Facebook or Myspace and deleted everything except that "What are you doing right now" text box, renamed it Twitter, and watched all of the nerds and whores stampede over each other to be the FIRST! ones in on the next new thing.  Stupid.  It's a dumbed-down version of everything else out there and it won't even help you get laid. Well, it won't make it easy for you, anyway.

My main problem with this site is that not only is it just another way for self-absorbed, vapid, useless people to inform the world about the minutia of their every day lives, but that it's exclusively for self-absorbed, vapid, useless people to scream on the internet, "Look at me!  I'm special!  Please pay attention to me!"  These people will feel the urge to log in to Twitter and make posts about what they're eating, what they're reading, what they're watching, whether or not they're in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how many times they've brushed their hair today, the color of their stool, what kind of porn they're watching, or what they think about something they know nothing about, like the economy or not being an idiot.  The bottom line is NO ONE FUCKING CARES.  You are not special.  You are not interesting.  Daddy apparently didn't hug you enough when you were young so now you're an attention whore who thinks anyone out there actually gives a flying fuck about what you're up to.  Get the fuck over yourselves, live your meaningless lives, die alone, and leave the rest of us out of it.

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