___ ____________________________. . .$100
says that kid still gets breast-fed.
DURACELL
Parents are way too over
protective and neurotic these days. The proof of that is in
this commercial. This obnoxious woman had her little bastard
tagged with a homing chip like a migrating bird so she always knows
where he is. That's a little much. Obviously the stupid
fuck needs it since he's easily distracted by shiny objects and
bright colors, but that doesn't mean you have to turn him into a
walking, drooling GPS. A leash will do the same job and
probably be a lot cheaper, and it will probably be doubly effective
if you keep a box of graham crackers within his eyesight at all
times.
The
little kid disappears, and the mom lets out an annoying string of
KEVINKEVIN's while she frantically looks around for the little
mop-topped failure. "Oh my god! My four-year-old kid is
gone! I just finished breast feeding him, how could he have
run off so fast? Where is he? Is he at someone else's
picnic? Did that white van steal him? Oh noes!"
Luckily, she had her kid micro-chipped so she dumps all her tampons
and used tissues and scrapbooking gear out of her purse and picks up
her magical kid finder. Now, this gadget is fucking amazing.
It tells her that her kid is either straight ahead, off to the left
somewhere, or off to the right. Wow, that's really helpful.
Basically the kid could be anywhere. The doodad might as well
show a picture of a kid crying with a caption that says, "Good luck,
bitch."
She
eventually finds the kid. Oh, a happy ending! Relief!
And why did he run off? The little retard saw a shiny red
balloon and had to chase it. Good job, kid. You got the
balloon. Luckily for the mom, he didn't see a bright red ball
bounce across a busy street. Although if he did, it probably
would have been a funnier commercial.
After the commercial is over, I'm sure
the overprotective mother squeezed the subnormal child until a gooey
paste dripped out of his ears. Looks like you've smothered
another kid to death, lady. Time to go home to your cats.